What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Did you just see the Batmobile???
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
