i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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