i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
