I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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