I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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