i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
