this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
