I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Randomize
