Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize