and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
