remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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