Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
