Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
