All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
