We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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