my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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