I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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