I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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