Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
