Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
