Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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