She said her name was "party"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
