a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
