Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
