All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
