Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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