This is not my ceiling
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
