I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
