what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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