i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
She said her name was "party"
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
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