I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
