We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
