No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
