God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
