ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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