What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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