i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
