and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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