the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
