we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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