talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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