4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He felt like a one man threesome
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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