I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
