I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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