so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
