I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize