cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
