Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
