Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize