Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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