i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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