So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
