My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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