I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
