So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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