Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i think i have two assholes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
