I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We don't watch enough power rangers
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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