my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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