I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
