I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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