I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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