She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Are my feet made of real feet?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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