found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
