listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
