What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
