Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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