If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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