I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
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