Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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