I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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