i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
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